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Watching the before thing with the Rivers, does anyone else think they should put Joan with her daughter wherever the daughter was, and just let Greg free on the stars?  It would be better, so much more amusing.

Also, why is there a bow/parrot/thing on Nicole Kidman's shoulder?    

Queen Latifah, horizontal stripes are not your friend.  Remember this.

Jennifer Hudson?  Stop with the jacket.  Just stop. Please.

Mrs. Murphy (wife of Eddie), that dress draws too much negative attention to your hips, as it makes fake folds that make you look dumpy.  Also, I don't want to see myself in your cleavage.  NO MIRRORS!

...I should stop now.  I really should.

Except, no.

"Maybe you won't win." Go Ellen!

"Jenifer Hudson is here, America didn't vote for her, and here she is with an Oscar nomination!  And then we have Al Gore, America did vote for him, and then...."

"If there were no blacks, jews or gays, there would be no Oscars."

Ok, the whole first musical number comedian thing?  Totally awesome.  One of the best things I've seen during the actual Oscars. (ETA: In case you missed it, or want to see it again, )

The Danish Poet? Wtf? The Little Matchgirl, or No Time for Nuts, or Lift(ted?)?!?! Wtf with the Danish Poet.  (ETA:  So, I should probably clarify this.  The Danish Poet won for best animated short.  The thing is, it isn't that well made.  Now, the Little Matchgirl was very sad, but wonderfully animated.  No Time for Nuts had Scratch (from Ice Age), so the animation was also very good.  Lift(ted?  yeah, still haven't found out) had fun alien creatures with multiple arms.  The Danish Poet looks like someone had fun with Flash.)

Also, I want to see the West Bank Story now.  For the dancing. Yay! It won.  (ETA:  West Bank Story won for Best Short with real people.  Effectifly, it's West Side Story, only set on the West Bank.  The director (producer?  Somebody, the dude that accepted the award) mentioned it was about the conflict between Israel and Pakistan, set between two falaffal stands.) (does anyone know why Jack Nicholson shaved his head?  It makes him look sorta like that icky demon (from "Bad Girls") from early Buffy, except with funny glasses.)
Here they are, for comparison.  The Jack Nicholson pic is from Best Week Ever, which is why there is writing on it.  Not mine, and I do not endorse that joke.


Sound Effects Choir? FTW, but completly awesome.  Make these ppl play with the Whose Line guys.  Really, it would amazing.
I'm always amazed by the sounds humans are able to make.

That guy from the Office always looks cranky.  Still, "Sound effects is a lot like sex.  It's generally done by yourself, late at night, surrounded by a bunch of gadgets."  "And if you really want it done right, it's best to pay a professional."

Also, does anyone know who the hell that is with Clint Eastwood?  That's his daughter, right?  Please tell me that's his daughter.

"Letters from Iwo Jima" seems like it would be an excellent, but sad film.  Definately not someting to watch alone.

Al Gore and DiCrapio.  Wow.  Not a pair you see every day.  Gore is also going really gray. 

Apparently, The Oscars have gone Green.... is this for real?  huh.  I'll have to visit that later.  (also, DiCrapio sorta wants Gore to run for 08.)   Are they going to kiss?  Is that what's going to happen?  Please?  Damn.  Just an almost intention to run cut off by music.  Funny, but not as cool as a kiss.

Wtf is up with Cameron's hair? Not cool.  And the dress?  Vaguely cool, but not really.  The animated characters in the audience is sorta awkward.  Ok, really awkward.  And the whole penguin suit joke is really, really, old. (ETA: Cameron announced Best Animated Film, so some of the characters from these films were "shown" in the audience.  She then mentioned that only real people could accept these awards, so if the animated characters could please stay in their seats...  Happy Feet won, so the person accepting the award mentioned how great it was "that everyone wore their penguin suit tonight".  Yeah, that joke is older than Peter O'Toole.)

Hahaha. Really.  Not fake laughter.  For Tom Hanks slightly out of place and flat joke about Alcholics Annymous.  Or however the fuck you spell that.  I don't really care.  This weird thing about reading some of the scrip notes over the movie clips?  Not really working for me.

Oh good lord.  The fake "More Fun" from Tom Hanks, and the weird sorta horse race listing recap of what's been won so long.  Still, really awkward.  At least, Tom Hanks realized that.

Ellen has a baby carrier (one of those for the chest) for the Oscar. 

Ok, so The Devil's Wears Prada girls presenting, and their interaction with each other and Myrel Streep is just awesome.  Definately one of the highlights.  Also, how weird would it be to be chosen to go to the Oscars, just to shake your ass in a random costume from a film you weren't even in.  Unfortunately, the winner of the fashion award, didn't really do such a good job on dressing herself.  It's not that she's wearing a tux, it's the high neck that makes her face looks even longer.

Sherry *mumbleforgotlastnamemumble* (ETA: Sherry Lansing) that Tom Cruise just gave an award to, oh. my. god.  Wonderful dress.  I'm glad that she mentioned it was weird for her to be singled out for humanitarianism.  Just cause she's famous.  Yeah....
Still, I want that dress.  I would never wear it, but I want it.  (ETA: Found a picture, but it doesn't show the entire dress.  It becomes completely red on the bottom.

OH GOD! Steven Speilburg is taking a picture of Ellen and Clint Eastwood for her myspace.  And she's giving him tips.  How often does anyone get a chance like that?!?!

And Pan's Labyrinth wins again.  Is anyone surprised?  Yay for spanish accents, they are love.  Well, accents in general are love, but you know, the guy from Mexico is on now, so...

Awwwwwww, the cutest Mastercard commercial ever!  With an Elephant buying stuff to make his human friend better, and the monkey, and the Emerald city, and CUTE!  I'll have to find and post a link to this later.

What the hell happened to Robert Downey Jr's hair?    It's like he's trying to be cool and punk, but only really pulling offweird.
And Naomi Watts needs to learn that a dress the color of your hair, is not so good.

Ooo, pretty clips from Dead Man's Chest, Superman, Poseidon and others.  AND PIRATES WON!!!! YAY PIRATES!

Oh my.  The people excepting the award (I think it's (still) special effects) took Ellen's tips from the beginning (say you come from the Bronx and had a disability) "People said that 4 blind guys from the Bronx couldn't make it in Special Effects, but here we are!"  I don't know how to feel about this.

Oooo, more accents.  French and Japanese, if I don't miss my guess.  History of Forgein Films, where are the nominations?  Ahh... impressions instead.  I have no idea what this is supposed to be for, but if this had been a real film, I totally would have seen it.  Even if I can't speak spanish. Or, you know, any language other than english.  And that only sparringly. (why did I want to write sparrington there?  I don't read sparrington. bother)

Ok, it's done.  Now, nominations.  And oooo, pretty dress, Cate Blanchett.   It's shiny. So, love. And look! Something that Pan's Labyrinth didn't win.  Germany won, instead.  The Lives of Others.  Hmm, the person accepting the award doesn't sound german.  This makes no sense!  head hurting. death.

The tumblers! and snakes on the plane! and George Clooney!  Forgive me while I swoon.

Ok, so apparently Gore isn't running for President. Snap.
And, best actress, with Abigal (who is soooo cute).  Jenifer Hudson won the Oscar! And she forgot her jacket! Yes! Quick, while she's on stage, someone burn that jacket.  Ohhhhh snap, she thanked God.  Isn't she like the 2nd black actress to win one? (pic also from best week ever)

Oh god!  Commercial!  "Do more than just survive the work week."  And, the donuts used as bait to trap people in usless meetings.  Good, good comercials.  New Superbowl, anyone?

Eva Green, get new sleeves.
"It's not long or short, its what you do with it" oh god, the innuendos.  Doccumentary Short Subject.  What's with the weird names?  Why can't they be named something like "Two Children Crying" or "Random People with Syphlis" or "Asian AIDS Babies".  Something so we know what its about.
And the woman accepting the award?  Yeah, it looks like she needs to shave her shoulders (it's just her dress, but still.) (sorry, can't find a pic yet, might be tomorrow) (ETA: 1131, 26 Feb FOUND:

Jerry Senfield (well, they can't bring Kramer in, now can they?) presenting Doccumentary (something or other).  "If it turns out that you are not, the best, we all want to see your face after you get the news."  "...since the Shawshank Redemption, which is not a nominee this evening, but this five incredibly depressing films are."

Winner? Al Gore! "An Inconvient Truth" (behind me, there are people yelling that it's a power point presentation.  And the thanking of Gore is leading to more comments of "Oh why don't they just make out already.")

GORE DID "My fellow Americans" Go Gore!  And he was short! (The speach, not himself) (ETA futher: In this article are two Gore videos, the first for the acceptance for this award, the second from the Oscars gone Green announcement from earlier.)

and now, for something completly different, Clint Eastwood, who enters with western music.  And flubs his line.  He mentions needing to have worn his glasses.  Yeah, and you also need to realize that woman beside you is YOUR DAUGHTER.  Or should be.
He's presenting something special to do with music.  I don't really care for the footage (music is awesome, tho), so I make other random comments that everything was going too quickly for before.

Ellen had introduced one of the presenters as "The James Bond himself".  It was that new guy, whatever the hell his name is.  Yeah, I've heard he was ok in Casino Royale, but come on.  Sean Connery?  Pierce Bronson?  Any of these names ringing a bell?  Just cause a guy does one Bond movie, does not make him The Bond.  I still think that right belongs to Sean Connery, because he's Sean fucking Connery, damn it.  he can do whatever the hell he wants. (Yes, I know he's more than 50 years older than I am. Fuck off.)

Celine Dion is singing.  I thought that we were free of her.  Colin, thank you for apolgizing for her, but could you please get her off the stage instead?  Thanks. (ETA: Sorry, so uh, apparently the song she was singing was a tribute to Ennio Morricone.  First showing of it and all.  I didn't really pay attention, but I do have to agree with this:

Yeah, don't care.  The song isn't even nominated.  Fuck off.

I think more people should be like Alfred Hitchcock, his honorary acceptance speech (not this year, but previously) was "Thank you."  Please people, think of the all the time we could save.  Call and thank them in person.  They'll appreciate it more.

And standing ovation for the guy who wrote all the music.  His glasses are casting odd shadows that make it look like he has four eyes.  And he's talking, but I can't hear, because it's almost mumbling in a thck accent.  Oh, wait, it's a differnt language.  And Clint Eastwood  is "translating."  Just before Clint began to speak, the audiance paused and began to clap, thinking that his speech was over.  It was awkward.  again.  Yay awkward moments.

So this speech, not even counting Clint's translation, has gone over what the other winners were allowed.  Is this just because he's an honorary?  Or did he write music for the Oscars and now they don't want to piss him off?

Penelope Cruz and Hugh Jackman!  Oh the pretty! *dies from the pretty concentrate*

Best Original Score.  "Pan's Labyrinth" or "Notes on a Scandal" or "The Queen"? None!  "Babel"!  Huh.  They've been playing "Pan's Labyrinth" music throughout the entire fucking show.  What the hell?

"Everytime I come out here, I see Jack Nicholson smiling and laughing, and it makes me feel so good.  Then I was back stage, and he was there in a corner, by himself, smiling and laughing..." yay, Ellen.

And now a random guy (oh, he's the president of the academy) speaking really, really, quickly, trying to convey everything about the Academy Awards in 60 seconds.  So, they're trying to make the awards as entertaining as the movies, right?

Toby McGuire and Kristin Durnst (Dunst?) entering to Spiderman music.  Best Original Screenplay.  (while they're doing quotes and such, I'm going to ponder why random people keep sending me e-mails I don't care about.  I use firefox, so I have multitabs open, and the e-mail keeps distracting me, cause I think it's replys to comments or entries.  Well, fuck you too.)
Little Miss Sunshine!  And the dude had to quit his job as assistant to.... Matthew Broderick.  And he has the Plauge!  (his voice is shot, and a lot of my IRL friends are sick.  we're calling it The Plauge.)

Ooo, tumblers making a Shoe for The Devil Wears Prada.

Wtf is J Lo doing here?  Trying to present best original song.  Yay singing tho, and not by her!  And her dress?  Good, but not on her.  Empress Waist.  Why wasn't she trying to do something with her bum?

Jennifer Hudson is such a better singer than Beyonce.  And yet, Beyonce is the "prettier" one, so gets more gigs.  Bah.
Still, best performance from Beyonce yet on "Listen." (Which you can see here:

John Travolta and Queen Latifa, still in her horizontal stripes. They actually get to present the award.  WTF?!?!?! Dream Girls had 3 out of 5 nominations, and didn't win!  Winner: "An Inconvient Truth."  More thanking of Al Gore.  Ellen will so make a joke by the end of the night.  "Thank you for coming, and I especially want to thank Al Gore." (ETA: This was for best original song, btw.)

Will Smith!  Who is going gray!  Now I feel old *cries*.  Mentions evolution.  Rather "...who we are.  A Country that evolves..."
America as shown through Movies.  A very interesting montage.

Kate Winsley (Winslet, but that's not what the announcer said).  Best film editing (how the hell do they choose who presents these awards?  Some of it must be an inside joke, because I really don't get it).  United 93?  What was that?  The Departed won.  And it was Thelma that accepted the award!  There was a guy who mentioned Thelma, but didn't say what for, so it became a running gag in the room as to "Don't forget to thank Thelma!  We don't know for what, but that's fine!"

Ooo, she uses big words.  How refreshing.  and goes on, and on, about Marky.  Hmmm, methinks there might be something there that wasn't there before.

Jodi Foster! With a very, very long train that would trip me up.  Ooooo, the sadness!  The Rememberance Montage.  So, we're now doing the "OMG!  They're dead?!?! When did this happen?  Where the hell was I?  What's going on?????"  Excuse me, I'm going to go cry in my corner now.

SCOTTY!!! WTF?!??!! SCOTTY *cries* Peter Boyle?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! good lord, my childhood is gone. GONE!

Ellen has changed her outfit.  "Well, thats our show.  I'm proud to say that I've brought it in on time.  Under time, it looks like to me.  Hold on a sec..."

Phillip Hopkin (Capote) presenting Best Actress (with his hair all mused, has he been having sex backstage?!?!) to Helen Mirian (big suprise).  She compares this Oscar to the "biggest gold star ever".  And wants to share this with her other actresses.  Riiiight, Helen, we believe this.  "Ladies and Gentelman, The Queen" *raises Oscar* Us? "Oscar?!?!?!"

Tumblers are back, made (and shot!) the gun from casino royale.

Back to the Oscars, where Ellen is vaccuuming in the front row.  And making jokes about drinks and rolling papers.

Reese Witherspoon (wtf is up with her bangs?) to present for Best Actor.  What? Leo DiCrapio used an accent?!?!?!  I... don't know how I feel about this.  Peter Gossling.  Peter O'Toole (yay dirty old man! oh god.).  Will Smith (who got cranky).  Forrest Whittiker (sp?).  Wow, two black men up for this.  Oscar goes to Forrest Whitticker! Oh god, wow, Two black performers in one night?!?!?! I think I might die.

Poor Peter O'Toole.   Eight nominations, and no win.  His Lawrence of Arabia is considered one of the best of all times.  Wtf man, wtf.

Forrest thanks God.  Again with the God.  And no mention of Peter O'Toole.

Another Three Amigo's joke.  (first was for (different) directors out front)  Steven Spielburg, Geroge Lucas, and Francis Forcopal (I don't know.  I give up) to present best director.  Martin Scorcese (finally!) The Departed (again).  His Eyebrows scare me. 
Really, they do.  Apparently, he's friends with the presenters (for 37 years.  God, I'm still just hopeing I live that long).  He mentions Thelma again.  He started by thanking the audience for clapping, because no one's going to cut off Martin Scorcese, damn it.  He's been wating since in ureto for this award.  Awww, male hugging (Scorcese and Nickleson).

Video clips from "The Queen."

WTF?!?!?!  It just deleted the rest of my post!  Damn it.

Ok, so what I remember:  Jack Nicholson was scary, Diane Keaton's waist is way, way, way! too small. 

Diane had to read the nominations (with lots of hand movements) because Jack Nicholson had his fucking sunglasses on (and was probably more than a little drunk).  "The Departed" won.  Bloody hell, but it cleaned up tonight.

I think "Letters from Iwo Jima" looked like the best (and most original) film of the bunch, based off the clips shown.  So, I haven't actually seen any of these movies, but oh well.

The dude that accepted the award for "The Departed" mentioned that Leo wasn't crap.  I don't know how to feel about this.  Leo, good?  Leo, not cheesy and overdone?  Leo, with accents?  Yeah, blocking this from my memory now.

And now, Ellen has said goodbye.  Without making a joke, not even an Al Gore one.  This makes me sad.

Commericial for ABC shows, playing "Breathe (2 am)" by Anna Nalick in the background.  It doesn't work, damn it!

If you read this, please copy [info]sess_satan and leave a comment.  I promise, I don't bite!  It would amazing, I promise!

Date: 2007-02-26 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
See? I'm here!
Rant away, my friendly...rant away...

Date: 2007-02-26 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] I have one less thing to do...that's gonna screw up my routine..
Oh well.
*goes back to writing incredibly awful Wayne/Brad/Ry fic*

Date: 2007-02-26 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, I could do live blogging about what I'm doing, but it's no where near as fun. Mainly, I'm looking for pictures to go in the post.

Date: 2007-02-26 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hey look! I found some!

Date: 2007-02-26 07:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Cameron Diaz looked delicious tho.....sigh

Date: 2007-02-26 08:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I rather thought that her hair was clashing with her skin too much.

Date: 2007-02-26 08:55 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Hon, I think I that day we spent making fun of the scary models fucking ugly clothes has warped your fragil little evil genius mind. And why is there no pictures of the pretty?

Date: 2007-02-26 08:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Because, I couldn't find one. Someone (news show or something) should hopefully have one soon that I can gank.


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